I’ve heard a lot of people talk about love at first sight. I’ve read about it and I’ve seen it in the movies too. The guy goes to a place and sees a woman who turns his world around. Just one look and his heart would be beating abnormally. He would look at the girl for several minutes until the girl looks back. Once they lock gaze, they become a piece of a love story from the beginning till the end of the movie. Usually, it happens in high school love movies and from what I’ve read, love at first sight is the purest kind of love because both hearts were not prepared for what was coming yet they saw each other once and love rang a bell. 

That’s how our love story began at KNUST except that I didn’t look at her until we locked gaze. I saw her once in class and I was in love but I took off my eyes long before she could look back at me. I fell in love but I kept it to myself because life isn’t about movies. Stories happen differently in real life so instead of my heart beating faster and pushing me to propose to her, it was my mind that spoke to me; “Wow, what a beautiful lady. Do everything within your power to be closer to her. Once you get her attention and win her trust, hit it and I know she’s going to say yes.”

It took me two semesters to be able to get close enough to say what was on my heart. I got her attention and won her trust but once I proposed to her she said no. She didn’t give a reason or try to explain herself in any way. All she said was no. “What do you mean by no?” She answered, “It’s a no for today. Let’s see what happens tomorrow.” It took us another semester before the tomorrow she was talking about came. When she said yes, we were in our second year. We were no longer doing any subject together so we were no longer study mates. Maybe, that was how she wanted it, focus on her studies and not fall in love with her study mate. 

Unlike me, Matilda had her family in Kumasi and her home was not too far away from campus. Because of that, she went home on some weekends and when the situation would allow it, I went with her. I met her father one day and she introduced me to him as a study mate. She told her dad, “Had it not been Aboagye who held my hand from the first year, I would have failed so many courses. He forced me to study and also taught me the concepts I struggled to grasp.” His father showed appreciation and urged me to continue helping her. Her mom was also happy to hear that I was her daughter’s helper. She also advised me not to stop.

I went home with her often and each time they saw me, they welcomed me with open arms and did everything to make my time with them comfortable. All that while, we hadn’t done anything sexual and shuperu never happened until we completed school. I helped her pack her things to her house and while bidding her goodbye in her room, it happened. I went home too when all was said and done but my home was far from Kumasi so it was hard to see her after school. Luckily for me, I was placed in Kumasi for my national service. Matilda also had her national service in Kumasi and went to work from the house. I lived with one of my classmates and went to see Tilly every weekend.

With time, I became a fully integrated member of her family. Her siblings called me “brother” and saw me as part of the family. For the whole year that I was doing my national service, I was with them, helping with chores in their house when I was around and sometimes running a major errand for her father. The relationship was so good, her father gave me his car keys and asked me to teach Matilda how to drive. At that time, they knew what was between us wasn’t ordinary friendship but nobody could ask us about it. Her mother threw hints of her knowledge here and there by sometimes calling me an in-law. Her father was indifferent about it but he knew what was going on between us. 

A year after the national service, I had a job that took me to Accra. Not long afterwards, Tilly also had a job that brought her to Accra. We were not living together but we spent a lot of time together. When Tilly’s cousin was getting married in Kumasi, I went home with her and for the first time, I spent the night with her in her room in her father’s house. I was very comfortable spending the days with her because I knew we had come a very long way. Apart from the wedding, every time we had a reason to travel to Kumasi, we shared her room and her parents didn’t say anything. 

Two years later, I knocked on their door with marriage intentions. Her father told me, “I’m glad it has come to this. You didn’t waste her time and you deserve a part at the back for that. We are one family now so whenever you’re ready, we’ll be ready for you.” A couple of months later, I went with my family to perform the knocking rite. Everything went very well and we were presented with a list of things to buy as dowry. I only looked at it when I got back home. Every item on the list looked normal until I saw “Compensation = Ghc10,000.” I was like, “Compensation? What’s that for and who am I compensating with such an amount?” 

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I called Tilly to ask if she knew something about it and she said no. “My dad didn’t show it to me before giving it to you so I wouldn’t know.” I called my dad and asked if he had any idea about compensation and why it was on the list. He was also lost so we decided to call Tilly’s father to ask what it was for. He said, “That’s for all the years you’ve used my daughter for free. You both were not married, but you slept with her in my house, her mother cooked for you and I know my daughter has performed different marital roles in your life though you were not married. You made her a wife before marrying her so you have to compensate us for all the years she was in your services though she wasn’t your wife.”

My father found it funny but I found it unsettling. That was a lot of money and if I should pay that much, the whole marriage thing may not happen. So we pleaded with him to be reasonable with us. I implored him to set that one aside until after marriage so I can pay for it in instalments. He said no. We asked for a reduction and he said, “Marriage is not done in a store so we can’t ask for a discount.” He won’t even look at my face and talk to me. We were good. He was like a father to me so why would he go quiet on me when I needed him the most? Even his wife is also in support of what her husband is doing though she was also a mother to me. 

I told Matilda to do something about it. “He’s your father. He’ll listen to you if you cry out to him.” She has done that for weeks but all her father said was, “Don’t give him the impression that you’re forcing him to marry you. That money is even small because I considered the fact that he’s a young man. If he can’t pay for what he has already enjoyed, do you think he’ll be ready to pay for what he’s about to enjoy? You, children of today, think everything can be taken for granted.” He has said that to me before and has vowed not to shift grounds for us. Matilda has invited external family members to talk to him, to at least reduce the amount. His final words were, “Marriage is not compulsory. If he can’t, it’s not force.” 

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This started in September last year. We are still on it as I write this. Tilly has given up trying. My family is tired of fighting. I’m the only one left in the middle of the lurch. I don’t know where to go, either left or right. Is it even a thing to pay compensation for such a thing? We have to date before marriage can happen right? So what’s the point exactly and why is he doing everything to take the wind off our sail? I’m not given up but I don’t have that much to pay. Maybe when he realizes I’m not forthcoming, he’ll change his mind. I feel he’s doing all that to teach me a lesson, if not, then it’s going to be a very long journey for us all. 

–Aboagye

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