On our fourth wedding anniversary, I woke my husband up and congratulated him for being a husband for four years. He got angry that I would wake him up early morning to tell him nonsense. He screamed, “What do I get from being your husband? What’s there to celebrate that you’ll wake me up from my sleep? Don’t you have anything to do with your life?”

Fortunately for me, I have a lot of things to do with my life. I’m a department head where I work. I have a side hustle that makes me a lot of money. I have three employees I pay and a side man that makes me happy but my husband doesn’t know about these things because he doesn’t care about me or our marriage or anything that will bring us peace.

There are so many things I wish he knew…

Number one, I wish he knew my birthday.  On his birthday, I make a lot of noise for the world to know it’s the day for the man in my life. I will buy him a cake, get him a gift and sing for him. He enjoys it so much he asks me, “What are you going to do for me on my next birthday?”. But when it’s my birthday, he pretends he doesn’t know the date. When I remind him, he tells me there are more important things to do with his life than celebrate birthdays. I get hurt and he knows I get hurt but he doesn’t mind.

#2. I wish he knew how his words affect me. This man calls me a good-for-nothing wife when we have an argument. I told him about my ex when we were dating. I told him the most hurtful thing my ex told me. Guess what, anytime we argue, he’ll bring my ex’s insult up and tell me, “Your ex was right, I should have followed his advice.” He makes me feel like I contribute nothing to his life but in this marriage, we split things through the middle, even rent. He hardly gives me housekeeping money but there’s always food on his table. He doesn’t look at all that. He continues to disrespect and hurt me with his words.

#3. He cheated on me with the daughter of a woman who had a shop in front of our house and I caught him. Our marriage was only eight months old but he had been having a five-month affair with the young lady. He apologized and asked me not to tell anyone. He swore it would never happen again but as I write this, my gut feeling tells me he’s seeing another woman. I wish he knew that I never forgave him. I never did. I continued playing the role of a wife because I didn’t know what else to do. When everything comes to an end which I know it will, I’ll tell him why I never forgave his infidelity. He didn’t regret his actions. He said sorry to me so I don’t go about telling people. I’m aware of that.

READ ALSO: What Pregnancy Did To Our Marriage

#4. I wish he knew our inability to give birth after four years of marriage is because I’m on a pill. I spoke to a family planning professional the very day I caught him cheating. I could forgive him for forgetting my birthday. I could forgive him for hurting me with words but what I can’t do is have a baby with a man his type. I thought he’d change. I believed it was a phase. I was looking forward to the change so I could also change my mind about childbirth but change is an illusion when it comes to my husband. I won’t allow childbirth to perpetually tie me down to this marriage and above all, I won’t hurt the pride of my child by giving him or her a father like my husband. I’ll make a lot of mistakes but this one won t happen. While he prays with his sinful lips for a baby and takes herbs and concoctions to speed things up, I’m here laughing and telling him to change his ways before a child but he doesn’t listen to me.

#5. I wish he knew his friend proposed to me when I opened up to him about our marriage. Whenever he hurt me, I went to his friend to cry over his shoulders and asked him to talk to him. His friend is married and has a beautiful marriage. I admired the way he showed his wife off. I loved how he went on holiday with his wife and kids. How he speaks glowingly about his wife and celebrate her at any given chance. I wanted his kind of love for his wife so I told him, “Why can’t your friend learn from you? Doesn’t he see what you do for your wife? Doesn’t he know the template? Please talk to him.” One day in his car, he nearly kissed me. When I pulled away he said, “You’re unhappy and I want to help. My friend won’t change. I’ve spoken to him. If you won’t get the happiness you deserve from home, then you can get it from the outside.”

#6. I wasn’t angry with his friend. He’s just another man who’ll take advantage of a woman just like my husband took advantage of the woman’s daughter. I didn’t kiss him but I listened to him. I took his advice to seek happiness outside of my marriage. I wish my husband knew I also have a side piece. We’ve been at it for close to a year but he doesn’t know it because he care less about my life. This side man is everything my husband isn’t.  I tell him what my husband does to me. He tells me, “I’ll never do that to a woman.” I don’t trust him but I trust the happiness he brings to my life. The vacuum he’s filling. He buys me gifts on my birthday. He looks at me and calls me beautiful. I try to hide what we have but he sneakily lets the cat out when we are out. He wears a ring for my sake. At least, there’s someone who listens to me and makes me feel like a woman.

She Took My ATM And Stole Money From My Account

#7. I wish he knew I regret marrying him. I didn’t have too many expectations on our wedding day. At counselling when I was asked what I looked forward to in my marriage, I said I wanted to be happy because that was all a woman needed from a marital relationship. I wasn’t looking forward to big things. The little things like being remembered on my birthday, holding hands with my husband, showing me off because I’m worth it, the little little things average husbands do for their wives but my husband cares less about my happiness. This is a mistake I’m determined to make right. I’ll one day wake up and tune out of this regret. His father will be the first to know that I’m walking out. That man thinks I’m the reason his son doesn’t send money home. He thinks I’m the one spending his money so he frowns whenever he sees me. He’s part of my regret but I’ll make him happy soon with my resignation.

I know my husband won’t beg for me to stay but if out of a miracle he does, I’ll tell him everything I’ve written here so he will know I’ve been out of this marriage since the day he cheated with that woman’s daughter.

— Esmeralda

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

*****