Before I met Kofi I was a virgin. I loved him so much that I allowed him to touch me in ways no man had ever done. He was everything to me so I made him my first. After I had a taste of him, I couldn’t have enough. Kofi and I were quite unstoppable in the bedroom. There was no time we didn’t do it. When he is in the mood, we would do it. When I want it, he would give it to me. Those were good times. I could have it in the morning, afternoon, and evening without getting tired or sore. That is how high my libido is.

Due to the strong bond we shared, it didn’t take long for us to get married. Kofi is someone who loves children. Everywhere he goes he connects with them. And he had this homely personality that drew children to him as well. So he never stopped talking about having kids. Sometimes I would tease him about his obsession with having kids and we would laugh about it. Right after marriage, he told me, “Now that we are married, there is nothing stopping us from having kids. So buckle up, I will pump you full of my seed until you swell up with my child.” So we started trying for a child. We already knew the number of children we were going to have. We even picked out their names already. And the process of making babies was something we both enjoyed so it was an exciting time.

The first month after we started trying, I got my period. We weren’t expecting that I would conceive overnight so it didn’t bother us. Then the same thing happened the following month and a few more months after that. We started getting worried but we comforted ourselves, “Sometimes these things take longer to happen. It will happen when it’s time.” We kept trying and holding on to hope as my period showed up every month. Before we realized it, we were married for two years with no sign of pregnancy. Kofi became devastated.

We visited different hospitals together, but none of the fertility boosters they gave us worked. So we went from one herbal clinic to the other in search of a solution to our problem. I was then diagnosed with ovarian cysts; there were cysts in both my ovaries which made it difficult for me to conceive. I took many medicines, both orthodox and herbal concoctions. I joined prayer groups as well, yet nothing happened. We spent a lot of money on drugs till it got to a point where we didn’t even have money for food. That was when my husband got angry and started withdrawing from me. The lack of results and Kofi’s anger affected our marriage terribly.

We used to tease each other, gossip, and laugh a lot as a couple. But our problems sucked the fun right out of our marriage. I would try to initiate a conversation with my man, only to be greeted with silence. I would try to make jokes but I would be the only one laughing. This whole thing has become like a cancer that is eating into our marriage. Our sex life is practically non-existent at this point. It’s not as if I don’t want to do it, I do. Kofi is the one withholding himself from me. Something that I used to do morning, afternoon and evening, now has become a fantasy for me. There were times I went for weeks without it.

What didn’t I do to get my husband’s attention? I would cook his favourite meals, serve him, and wear sexy clothes to entice him. When he rejects me after all this, I would resort to begging him and sometimes crying, yet he wouldn’t mind me. Sometimes, this man would come out of the bathroom to see me naked on the bed, but wouldn’t even look at me. He has become indifferent to all the things that turned him on in past. Sometimes I even hold his thing, to get him in the mood but he would look at me coldly and say, “Stop it. I don’t like that.” With all the trouble of not conceiving, his attitude is making things worse. I have gone for months without his touch and affection and it is affecting me mentally and emotionally. I feel sad, drained and alone in this marriage.

I sat him down recently and asked him, “Why are you being cold toward me?” He responded, “We have been married for five years now and we don’t have any child to show for it. All the shuperu we have done to this point has amounted to nothing. So tell me, why should I keep doing it if it won’t yield me any results? I am tired so I am done. I will use my energy for more fruitful things.” I couldn’t believe my ears, I cried so hard I started getting frequent headaches.

READ MORE: Everything Changed The Day We Lost The Baby

I feel shy and embarrassed to even report this issue to anyone. His family is not too friendly with me because I haven’t given them a grandchild yet. They don’t fight or insult me but they are always cold toward me. So I can’t report Kofi to them. I am also afraid that they will influence him to go for another woman. My father is late so it’s only my mum and me. When I told her about my marital problems, she advised me to pray hard. I have prayed and prayed but I am not seeing any results.

I am sharing my story because of Ewura Adwoa’s story. Our stories are similar but different. While her husband is abstaining from her because she gave birth, mine is rather keeping himself from me because I haven’t given birth so doing it with me is a waste of energy and time. He says my lack of fruitfulness makes him not enjoy the act. So I am asking myself, “What at all do men want?”

Why Are You Still In This Marriage?–Beads Media

I can’t tell if Kofi is getting it somewhere else. I go through his phone sometimes but I haven’t found anything to make me suspicious. He comes home after work on time and he doesn’t make suspicious calls or go out unnecessarily. He is still the same man I married except for the coldness and lack of affection. I have tried everything I can to make this work but now I am exhausted and sad. All I do these days is cry. I love him very much and I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want a divorce, I need help.

He is no longer willing to support me with money for fertility treatments. And it is too expensive for me to do it on my own. So what I need is a doctor who will be willing to help me conceive at an affordable cost. Please if anyone here knows someone like that, let me know. Help me restore joy to my marriage.

–Lady Akos   

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