Adwoa and I grew up in Kumasi. We attended the same primary school and the same JHS. Our friendship began when we had a deeply personal conversation in JHS2. We were often seen together and we shared almost everything. Our bond was the kind that made me feel we would be in each other’s lives forever. Then we completed JHS and didn’t have any means to stay in touch. One moment we were best friends and the next moment, we were thrown apart by life.  

We went to different secondary schools but I kept track of our classmates who were in the same school as her. I asked them to help me reach her but no one did. I was miserable. For three years in SHS, I didn’t see nor speak to Adwoa. Everyone I thought could help me was too busy wrapped up in their own high school experiences that they didn’t think about my request for help. 

For my entire period in school, I wasn’t fully myself. I spent a lot of time thinking about what she was doing, and wondering if she missed me as much as I missed her. Occasionally I would hear the sound of her laughter echo in my memory. Sometimes I would see the ghost of her smile when I closed my eyes. She had a big smile, the kind that lit up her entire face. In as much as those memories left me feeling empty, they also kept my heart warm and brought me comfort when things became difficult. 

When I completed SHS, my desire to find her intensified. One could say that I was obsessed with finding her. I called and visited people I knew could have a link with her. One of my friends accompanied me to her neighbourhood and we roamed the entire place but we didn’t find her house. The weird thing was, everyone who went to school with us knew the neighbourhood she lived in but no one knew her house. Even though I couldn’t find her, I never lost hope. I believed in my heart that someday she would find her way to me. 

As fate would have it, I was home one day when one of my friends called me; “Dude, I got Adwoa’s contact.” I couldn’t believe it “Is this a prank? I know you like making jokes about my efforts to find her.” He laughed and hung up and then sent me a text. It was her number. 

I was so happy and full of nerves that I couldn’t call her immediately. 

By evening I had calmed myself and gathered the courage to call her. When she answered I froze. All of a sudden my tongue forgot how to speak and my mind went blank. I couldn’t believe that after so many years I was talking to her. Her voice was just as I remembered it. When I finally found my words, I asked, “Please is this Adwoa?” “Yes” came her response. I was ecstatic but I managed to introduce myself. She sounded excited when she learned it was me but her excitement didn’t match mine. We spent a lot of time reliving the past and catching up on the time we missed. It felt as if no time had passed between us. The flow was easy just as I remembered it. 

She told me she lost both of her parents when she was in school and that made life challenging for her. It was difficult for her to even complete SHS. My heart was saddened for a moment. I said, “You were able to make it regardless. That’s the most important thing we have to be grateful for.”

 We had both not gone to the university after we completed. She got a job to keep her busy and help her save some money. A year later I gained admission to KNUST. She was with me every step of the way. She was more excited about my going to school than I was. Before I left we met and had a conversation. I was nineteen and she was a year younger. I told her how I felt about her; “I am in love with you. The past few years that we lost touch really messed me up. I don’t want that to happen again. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to keep you closer so I don’t lose you again.” She said, “You know I like you too but I am not ready for a relationship right now. My focus is on raising money to go to school. Let’s be friends for now and we’ll see what will happen in the future.” 

I wasn’t hurt that she turned me down. I understood that she had a lot going on in her life at that moment.  I was hopeful that things would work out for her very soon and we would be together. 

While I was on campus we didn’t talk much. I had lectures, assignments and meeting new people on my plate. But whenever we spoke, we spoke for long hours. I dated a few people here and there on campus but those relationships didn’t last a mile. They all ended right at the spot where it began. She knew all about it and she was cool with it. She has always been the calm and quiet type and that’s one thing I like about her. When I got to my final year, she gained admission to KNUST too. I was super excited because. It sounded like the gods listened to me and tilted the odds in my favour. 

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The one year the two of us spent on campus was blissful. We saw each other almost every day and we were closer than ever. We cuddled and kissed a lot of times. We spoke to each other as though we were lovers and it was all good. All these were happening between us but she still maintained that she wasn’t my girlfriend. She said, “I’m not your girlfriend until I say yes to your proposal.” I said, “Then who are we now? Look at what we’ve been doing. We kiss, we cuddle. We touch. These are the things lovers do so why are we not lovers?” 

Clearly, I wasn’t happy but I didn’t want to push things and risk losing her. 

She graduated from school during the pandemic. As I share this story, we are still friends and not lovers as I would have wished us to be. Our friendship has gone through phases and seen a lot of greener pastures outside our doorstep. We only have to take one step outside the boundary that we are in then we would be in the pastures. We’ve been in this boundary for over a decade and she still calls me a friend. She is everything to me except the one thing I want the most. 

She still hasn’t said yes to my proposal. 

Sometimes she tells me she loves me and I always tell her that I love her too. Last December I proposed to her again and she told me, “I can’t be in a relationship until I start working. Wait for a while. I will give you an answer once I get a job.” 

I am frustrated. It looks like she enjoys strumming my pain with her fingers. Why does she need a job before she can be my girlfriend? I have a job that pays me a  decent salary so I am not expecting her to contribute financially to the relationship. I don’t know what her problem is. She calls me every day. When  I miss her call and don’t call back she gets angry and complains bitterly. I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone since she joined me on campus. I have dedicated all my time and resources to trying to get her to say yes to me but all I get is, “You’re my best friend and I love it this way.” 

I have come to dislike the word best friend because of her. I am not asking her to marry me tomorrow. I just want some commitment from her.

What should I do again? Should I walk away from her and move on with my life? Or do I stay and hope that she would eventually commit to me. I need help, please.

–Papa

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